Bite Me
by Astrozerk
Summary: Kabuto gets jealous of the sound five with their cursed seals and begs Orochimaru about getting one. Should Orochimaru and the sound five trust him or is he up to something? Final chapter has been updated! M for tayuya's swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Bite Me**

Kabuto walks around the sound village, Otogakure, with an irritated expression on his face. He barges in Orochimaru's room who apparently was watching TV.

**Kabuto**: Orochimaru-sama…I want to ask you something …

**Orochimaru**: This better be worth my time, you're disturbing me from my favorite soap opera!

**Kabuto**: (Proudly) I want a cursed seal!

**Orochimaru**: …

**Kabuto**: …

**Orochimaru**: …what?

**Kabuto**: Yeah, I want a cursed seal.

**Orochimaru**: WHY?

**Kabuto**: The sound five have it and so does Sasuke and Anko…I want one too. I think I'm worthy enough to get one. I'm your best right hand man aren't I?

**Orochimaru**: (look around suspiciously) … are you trying something funny because if you are…

**Kabuto**: (interrupts) No! I'm serious! I want you to bite me and give me a cursed seal! I want to be able to become stronger and turn into some weird messed up looking creature!

**Orochimaru**: You wouldn't be able to handle it… (Looking more confused) You practically have to die just to withstand it and that's IF you can withstand it. Even if you do you're a slave to it.

**Kabuto**: (whining like a child stomping the ground) I don't care!! I want the special treatment!! I can take it! Your best right hand man should deserve something special.

**Orochimaru**: (to himself) It must be a full moon out… someone actually wants a cursed …mark… (Thinking) Eh, I got nothing else better to do, I'm bored and he's an easy target…

Right when he gets up to do the jutsu, a smaller version of himself with devil horns pops up on his left shoulder.

**Id**: Stop right there, I may be your evil side but even I can see the something wrong about this picture!!

**Orochimaru**: You're my evil side…so where's my good side?

**Id**: good side? ... That guy vanished a long time ago my friend.

**Orochimaru**: Oh, yeah that's right… but who are you to tell me not to do something?

**Id**: Aw come on! You barely trust the guy even though he is your best spy. Don't you think it's weird for him to ask you for a curse mark? A CURSE MARK!? Who insane is gonna ask you for that!? Even that emo kid Sasuke, who now accepts it, didn't let you give it to him that easily. I think it's a trick to kill…

**Kabuto**: (looking at the time) Crap, I guess it'll have to be tomorrow, I got somewhere to go. (Squeezing Orochimaru's cheeks) Don't you forget, I'm gonna be here early tomorrow so you can give me that curse mark! (Lets go) Oh yeah (pushes up his glasses) make sure you brush your teeth…

Kabuto leaves out the room while Orochimaru stands there with a surprised and dumbfound look on his face. He smirks.

**Orochimaru**: oh, no my little four eyed friend. I know what you're up to. I knew the time would come when you would decide to betray me. I got you (rubbing hands together) you little rat!

The next morning, Orochimaru is in the fridge about to fix his self breakfast. The moment he closes the door to the fridge Kabuto is already standing there with his famous friendly grin.

**Orochimaru**: … (Shocked) what do you want?

**Kabuto** :( smiling) Oh, you haven't forgot the little conversation we had yesterday have you?

**Orochimaru:** (pissed off) no…

**Kabuto:** (rubbing the back of his head tapping his foot) well… I'm waiting…

**Orochimaru:** (annoyed) …uh, its kind of early, I haven't eaten yet so my chakra level is low.

**Kabuto**: Ah, understandable. I shall be back then. Make sure you are ready by then.

Kabuto teleports out of the kitchen.

**Orochimaru**: That weak little bastard!! He's starting to get on my nerves. He has to be up to something annoying me this early in the morning. He knows I can take him out with absolutely no effort! (Squints his eyes) I got my eyes on you, you son of a bastard!

12 noon.

Orochimaru takes a stroll around the village. He stops and looks around to make sure he's alone and starts to yawn. He stops only to realize a hand in his mouth. He looks and sees it to be Kabuto's hand. Out of shock he spits Kabuto's hand out.

**Orochimaru**: (enraged) Alright you lame medical ninja! Give me one reason why I shouldn't KILL YOU!!??

**Kabuto:** (smiling with a glare in his glasses) Why would you want to kill me? I didn't do anything; you promised me a cursed mark seal. I was just making it easier for you.

**Orochimaru**: (enraged) WTF!? I didn't promise…

A random sound ninja interrupts and asks for Kabuto.

**Sound ninja**: Kabuto, I've been looking all over for you…

**Kabuto**: Why? What is it? I'm in the middle of something very important.

**Orochimaru**: (mumbling and rolling his eyes)

**Sound ninja**: Its Kin, Zaku, and Dosu. They need your help right now.

**Kabuto: **What the hell do they want my help for?

**Sound ninja**: Well they went swimming and Dosu forgot to take that sound device off his arm before he jumped into the pool and well… a big explosion and now they are hurt…

**Kabuto**: (growls in anger) Dammit! You know I'm not the only medical ninja here! Whatever. Fine I'm coming. (Turns to Orochimaru who was sneaking off) I'll be back for you… (He smiles)

Kabuto walks off with the sound ninja.

Orochimaru leaps for joy and starts to do a (pathetic) victory dance. Kidoumaru, from the sound four walks by and smiles at the insanity of the sight.

**Kidoumaru**: Ooh, ooh, I wanna dance too!

Kidoumaru walks beside Orochimaru and starts doing the Charleston. Orochimaru notices Kidoumaru dancing next to him and stops out of embarrassment. Humiliated, he smacks him so hard he spins around.

**Orochimaru**: You idiot… (Rubbing his forehead and shaking his head in disgrace)

**Kidoumaru:** (holding his head) Sorry Orochimaru-sama I don't know what came over me I couldn't help…

**Orochimaru**: Whatever, just get out of my sight before I give you something to really cry about.

Kidoumaru yelps and runs away. Orochimaru sighs and shakes his head. He thinks to his self.

**Orochimaru**: Why would that little punk want this seal? He can easily heal it, he's not strong enough… it really is a trap. But if it is, there must be more to this for him, a medical ninja, to be challenging me, a Sannin. I think everyone is in on this. Trust no one…

Orochimaru snakes off with narrow eyes and a smirk on his face.

Later in the day the sound four are talking about the very interesting day they had.

**Sakon**: Is it me or has Orochimaru-sama been acting odd lately?

**Kidoumaru**: (jumps in) Yeah I got smacked extra hard because I was dancing beside him today!

**Tayuya**: (has an annoyed look on her face) Why the fuck were you dancing in the first fucking place octopus arms?

**Kidoumaru:** (defensive) HE WAS DANCING TOO!

**Tayuya**: (rolls her eyes) yeah right, like he would ever do such a thing you idiot!

**Kidoumaru:** (heated) you stupid bitch stop being mean to me!

**Tayuya**: (balling up her fist) what did you just call me you sorry piece of shit that has six fucking arms but still don't know how to use em!?

**Kidoumaru**: Well at least I can swing em and fight with em than just play a damn FLUTE!!

**Tayuya:** (now red with anger) WHY YOU LITTLE…

Jiroubou grabs her and slams her down to the ground. While holding her she still tries to fight him off yelling.

**Tayuya** :( thrashing around) Get off me you fat dick shit; I'm gonna fucking kill that freak of nature!

**Sakon:** …uh…anyways. I think we should check around and see what's going on with him, Kabuto too; he's been singing a song about the cursed seal all day long.

**Ukon**: well however we go about doing this let's try not to make it obvious, we don't want to mess up and make him pissed off.

**Tayuya**: Why do we have to listen to you? Since when were you the leader?

**Sakon**: Since the moment you all became morons. (He says calmly)

Tayuya gets ready to punch them but Sakon stops her fist with his hand.

**Sakon:** (arrogantly) don't try me girl, I'll hurt in more ways then you can think of. Both of us!

Tayuya steps back and rubs her hand mumbling to herself.

**Sakon**: So do we all agree on this?

The rest all agree.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Bite Me

Chapter 2

I don't own Naruto, blah blah blah. I really would appreciate some reviews for this otherwise I may or may not continue this story...

Its night fall and the sound village is practically lit up like a fort. The sound ninja walk around confused and complaining about the bright lights. Orochimaru is slowly losing his mind (as if he hadn't lost it before). He figures that if the lights are all on to the maximum there will be no hiding places for a little rat to sneak around in. He grows more irritated with the other sound ninjas' bickering and makes a promising threat.

**Orochimaru**: (sweating from the heat of all the lights) Either you all shut up and deal with the damned lights or deal with me.!(he screamed)

Many of the sound ninja finally kept all their complaints down to themselves. Orochimaru walks to the giant dining room. He sits alone at the end of the extended dining room table. Alone, and staring, waiting for one of his servants to serve him his food. His eyes grow red from the straining under the bright lights. He stares at the door. Then…

**Orochimaru:** ACHOOOO!!

**Kabuto**: Don't you think it's a little bright in here? I mean the heat its generating is growing unbearable!

Orochimaru reacts with him flame jutsu at Kabuto. Luckily, it was substituted with a log (yes a log in a dining room).

**Kabuto**: (smiling with wide eyes) Oops, I'm sorry, that was my bad. Sneaking up on you like that. I should have known better, he he he. That would have been very ugly for me to get burnt up like that.

Orochimaru slowly turns to Kabuto with pure hate and malice in his eyes. Feeling that Kabuto is trying to get the upper hand in the situation, he quickly calms down and smiles a fake smile.

**Orochimaru**: Kabuto, may I ask, just ask, why you were sneaking up on me like that knowing how I'm tensed at the moment?

**Kabuto**: I have your dinner (he smiles with closed eyes)

Orochimaru just stares at him baffled while still trying to keep his cool and not practically eating this guy alive. Kabuto places his food on the table in front of him and stands there. Orochimaru stares at the dish for a minute then picks up the chop sticks. Feeling the awkwardness of eyes touching the top of his head he stares at Kabuto in the corner of his eyes. Kabuto just shrugs and waves with a geeky smile. For the first time in his life this is the moment Orochimaru gets creeped out.

**Orochimaru:** …um….

**Kabuto**: Hm? (Realizes that he is in Orochimaru's personal bubble) Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to be rude, sir. I'll just go on.

Kabuto walks away along side the long extended table. Orochimaru's eyes follow him until he is a good comfortable distance away and starts to eat. Kabuto's footsteps stops and there is a dead silence in the room. The silence is finally broken when the sound of the chair at the opposite end of the table scraps against the floor. The sound is as irritating as the sound of fingernails going across a chalk board. Even the great Orochimaru cringed from the extra annoying sound. Orochimaru quickly lifted his head and stared at Kabuto who had an innocent look on his face that said "what did I do?" He just waved and sat down across him. Orochimaru just stared annoyed with food in his mouth. He swallows it and continues eat. He looks up again and his eyes catch Kabuto's. Awkward silences. Orochimaru almost chokes then he clears his throat.

**Orochimaru**: (stands up with his food on the tray) I think I'll finish this in my room…

**Kabuto** :( Quickly stands up desperately) in your room? But why? What's wrong with eating in here in your dining room?

Orochimaru pauses and looks at Kabuto and smiles his infamous grin.

**Orochimaru**: Well, well what's with the concern all of a sudden my little silver haired friend?

**Kabuto**: Nothing really, I was just wondering why you all of a sudden wanted to go to your room.

**Orochimaru**: This _is _my place and I do think I can do what ever the hell I want Kabuto! I don't need to explain myself to you. (he says with a twinkle in his eye)

With that said Orochimaru walks off happily leaving Kabuto there with a blank face and a glare over his glasses.

Orochimaru finally makes it to his room. Tired by all the dips and dodges and the glaring bright lights that seem to have gained the power to drain precious chakra from one's body, he eats the last part of the food and sets it on the table.

**Orochimaru**: (sigh) I'm not thinking straight. I didn't think for once to check if the food was poisoned or not. It's these damned LIGHTS!! (he emits a shockwave that burst all the bulbs out) That's better…

He looks outside his balcony and tries to get his mind off the day. He contemplates his plans on resting without the worry of some one, like Kabuto, sneaking in his room. He sits on his bed thinking and before you know it he was out. He fell asleep with out accomplishing what he planned to do.

Hours pass and he is still asleep in his bed still in his day wear. He rolls over and there is a random whisper…

I can't help but to realize that you are trying to avoid me sir…

Orochimaru's eyes shoot wide open. He was face to face with Kabuto right next to him leaving about a centimeter of space between them.

**Kabuto:** Maybe the cheek. It'll look like, you know, one of those face tattoos that seem to be the latest fad today….so when am I gonna get it? The cursed seal?

All that was heard in the sound village was the sound of indescribable cursing that could wake the dead.

**Orochimaru:** GET OUT GET OUT GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY DAMNED ROOM!!!!

Kabuto runs out of his room and the door slams so hard the surrounding light bulbs burst from the impact. Kabuto pushes up his glasses and walks off as if nothing had happened. Around the corner four eyes seemed to glow in the intense light.

**Sakon and Ukon**: What the Hell was that!?

**Kidoumaru:** I just saw Kabuto running out of Orochimaru-sama's room!

**Tayuya**: say what? Are you serious?

**Kidoumaru**: (mocks Tayuya) Duh, stupid of course I am!

**Tayuya:** don't start with me fag!

**Sakon:** (rubs his head) aw, not now you guys, it's too hot and late for that.

**Ukon**: I'm getting fucky pissed right now; I haven't slept with these lights and all. And that ain't good for me!

**Kidoumaru:** Well Jiroubou is sleeping just fine.

**Sakon:** Jiroubou's too stupid too realize that he's sleeping in very uncomfortable conditions.

Out of nowhere a random sound ninja creeps up behind the three.

**Ninja:** Do any one of you know what the hell is going ON!?

**Tayuya**: (gasp) Kimimaro…you're awake…?

**Kimimaro**: (stoically) Why wouldn't I, in these conditions? Why are all the lights on like this? I can't turn them off unless I bust the bulbs. I don't wanna do that or else Orochimaru-sama will get angry.

**Sakon:** Beats me, we are still trying to figure that one out.

**Kimimaro:** second, what was all that noise?

**Kidoumaru:** It was Orochimaru-sama. He slammed the door after Kabuto came running out.

**Kimimaro:** What?

**Kidoumaru:** (shrugs and places his middle arms behind his head) eh.

**Kimimaro:** Well it's irritating me, you guys need to figure this out and solve it. (he turns to Tayuya and stares her down)

**Tayuya:** (looks around hoping he's looking at someone behind her) why the hell are you looking at me like that?

**Kimimaro**: (with a nonchalant expression) I'm annoyed and irritated. Come with me.

**Tayuya:** (getting hostile) What? Me? WHY? Ask dumb nuts over there to come with you!

**Kidoumaru:** WHAT?

Kimimaro just stares at her with virtually no expression. He grabs her arm and drags her.

**Tayuya**: (trying to free her arm) Let go of me you damn pretty boy. (she turns to Sakon and Kidoumaru) You fucking idiots don't just stand there…

**Sakon**: Pshaw, I ain't stupid. (Turns away from her) Have fun.

**Kidoumaru**: (waves) Bye Tayuya!

**Tayuya:** You idiots, I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!!

**Ukon:** No I think you're the one who's gonna get 'killed' first (he smiles a maniacal grin)

**Tayuya**: NOOOO!!

Kimimaro drags Tayuya around the corner and all that was heard was the sound of a door closing.

**Kidoumaru**: (gives a thumb down) Game over!

**Sakon**: (smacks him in the back of the head) Shut up stupid, let's go. We gotta figure this stuff out in the morning.

They leave to their prison like rooms.


	3. Chapter 3

Bite Me

Chapter 3

You know the deal, I don't own Naruto. Read and please review

The next day Orochimaru sneaks around his domain to the kitchen. He checks every corner of the kitchen and even prepares to make clones of his self and strike. He opens the fridge. The light does not come on, instead…

**Orochimaru:** (steps back and covers his nose) Oh, what is that awful smell!? Why didn't the light come on?

He bumps into someone behind him. He turns around extremely fast and releases his snakes onto the victim.

**Dosu**: (freaking out slapping the snakes off of him) Aaaagh! What did I do sir!?

**Orochimaru**: (forcefully grabs Dosu by the shirt) Alright you little one eyed freak! Tell me what's going on before I kill you! Why is the fridge not on?

**Dosu**: (panicking) The lights were turned off. The bill got really high (hands him the mail)

**Orochimaru:** (snatches the mail from Dosu's hands and gives him a peculiar look) When did we ever get mail? And why did you open my mail?

**Dosu:** (rubs the back of his head) Well what had happen was…

**Orochimaru**: (rolls his eyes) Ugh, just leave!

With that said Dosu literally hops off.

**Orochimaru**: (rubbing his eye) Oiy, I'm having a bad week…All the food in the fridge has gone sour, the lights are turned off…and I have an insane medical…

Kabuto walks in, grabs an apple, waves to Orochimaru and leaves.

**Orochimaru**: …

Out on the training fields of the sound village, the Kidoumaru meets up with Sakon.

**Sakon**: Anything unusual?

**Kidoumaru**: Nah, not much. Just for the fact Jiroubou's is freaking out about the food going sour. I told him to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he almost flipped!

**Sakon**: (squints at him with an annoyed look on his face) and that was important why?

**Kidoumaru**: Well you asked for something odd…

**Sakon**: That's not what I… anyways where's Tayuya?

**Kidoumaru:** I don't know, I hadn't seen her since last night…

**Ukon:** maybe Kimimaro did kill the little heathen.

They both shrug their shoulders. They turn around and spot Kabuto walking across the field eating an apple. Then they look at each other.

**Kidoumaru**: Should we just ask him what's going on between him and Orochimaru? I mean it shouldn't hurt.

**Sakon**: well… I…guess…

**Ukon**: Just go ask, what harm is it gonna be. I hate this beating around the bush, spying on something that can clearly be juiced out of it. Shit we don't have to be ninja all the damn time; I want to get straight to the point!

**Sakon:** Hey wait a minute there! I'm the one caring you around I make the decisions.

**Ukon**: I'm the oldest and smarter one now shut up! I get to have some say so about this!

While Sakon and Ukon argue about their intelligences, Kidoumaru goes ahead towards Kabuto.

**Kidoumaru:** (waves all his arms top get Kabuto's attention) Hey, Kabuto!!

Kabuto turns around with the apple still in his mouth. He shifts his glasses so he can see who it is in the glare of the sun.

**Kidoumaru:** Hey, I have a question to ask you…

**Kabuto**: Oh, it's you, how are you? (He smiles) what is it that you want to ask me?

**Kidoumaru:** It's a question about Orochimaru-sama…

Kabuto's expression shifts a little.

**Kabuto:** What about him?

**Kidoumaru:** (looks around Kabuto) Me and the rest of the five were wondering about him. He has been acting quite unusual lately, and we were wondering if you know what's going on.

Kabuto moves his head so that his glasses are glared by the sun.

**Kabuto**: (in a creepy happy tone) Whatever do you mean? I haven't noticed anything wrong with him at all.

Sakon walks up behind Kidoumaru.

**Kidoumaru:** Are you sure, I mean he has been creeping around striking and killing any ninja who has accidentally snuck up behind him. All the lights in the sound village were on to the max last night; he's been screaming and cursing almost as much as Tayuya. He hasn't eaten much lately throwing it at his servants saying it's poisoned. He's also been ignoring us a lot.

**Kabuto:** (looking away) Eh, he's probably not feeling well. (Starts to continue walking)

Sakon jumps in Kabuto's way.

**Sakon:** (smirking) Well, if there was nothing going on, explain your self singing a made up song about the cursed seal…

**Kabuto:** I just felt like singing. I think I'm a pretty good singer. You know, when you're working around people with cursed seals all day, you tend to sing about it.

**Sakon:** Okay well explain why whenever someone sneaks up behind him he yells out 'I see you Kabuto', or last night when you ran out of his room when he was yelling. (The confidence in his voice picks up).

Kabuto pauses and pushes up his glasses. His usual friendly smile slowly grows into a slight frown.

**Kabuto**: (voice deepens) you're both crazy. I said nothing is wrong and I meant that. If you don't believe me, I'm sure I can help both of you out by giving you both a brain transplant. Now if you two don't mind I have somewhere to go.

**Sakon**: I'm not letting you pass. You know you can't take both of us down. Now tell us what the hell is going on!

Kabuto pauses again staring at the ground with no expression.

**Kabuto**: I want a cursed seal…that's all…is that bad?

**Sakon**: what?

**Kidoumaru**: …?

**Kabuto**: You heard me. I want a cursed seal and he won't give it to me!

He pushes the shocked Sakon out of the way and walks away; finishing the apple he was eating on.

**Kidoumaru**: You hear that? Ol' creepy four eyes wants a cursed seal.

**Sakon:** He's lying, he has to be. There's no way that little punk would want a cursed seal. He'll either heal it or suffer from it. There's more to this than what we know. We'll have to keep a….

**Tayuya:** …hey guys…

**Kidoumaru**: What tha? Tayuya? Where have you been? We've been looking all over for you!

**Tayuya**: Don't worry about it.

**Kidoumaru**: What's wrong with you? You look disturbed…

**Tayuya**: Goddammit man I said don't worry about it! Don't try to get all touchy feely with me all of a sudden.

**Kidoumaru:** (sighs) eh, I tried…

**Sakon:** Anyway, (turns to Tayuya) we found out some interesting stuff about Kabuto just now.

**Tayuya:** Shoot.

As Sakon tells Tayuya everything that went on, Orochimaru is sneaking around in the background.

**Orochimaru:** Where are you, you little geek. (Spits out his Kusanagi sword) I know you were just here, I can smell you.

**Sound ninja:** Um, Orochimaru-sama, what are you…

Orochimaru turns around fast and slices the random sound ninja in half. Not giving a damn, he looks around the corner to see if anyone else is around.

**Orochimaru**: Kabuto… (Steps over the corpse) I got something for you!

He runs off.

It is finally dusk and Orochimaru stands on his balcony staring over the village with an insane look on his face.

**Orochimaru:** It's gonna be dark tonight… (Smiling an evil insane grin) and blood will shed if anyone comes near me…

He lets out a loud maniacal which echoes across the village causing birds to fly away from fear. Kabuto looks up with a large grin on his face.

**Kabuto**: I will be given that cursed seal…tonight!

Dusk finally sets to night, and Orochimaru's domain is pitched black. All the light that seems to show is that of the moon. Most of the ninja inside walk outside.

**Ninja 1**: Wow, the whole village is dark!

**Ninja 2**: How can this be if only Orochimaru's domain was the one that was lit up like crazy? You'd think only his place would have no lights. Guess everything was connected.

**Ninja 1**: Yeah it was true when they say there is no freedom within this village.

The two sound ninja disappear. Behind them was Kabuto staring at the lair of Orochimaru. With a sinister smile on his face, he pushes up his glared out glasses and also disappears in a puff of smoke. Inside Orochimaru's lair, the sound four meet again in the light of the moon.

**Sakon**: Wow, first it was bright lights city now its darkness hell…

**Kidoumaru**: Yeah I know, this is all Kabuto's fault! You heard what Orochimaru-sama said earlier about anyone standing in his way.

**Sakon:** yeah I know, this is such an insane week. We are going to have to find Kabuto and stop him from making the man go even more insane.

**Tayuya**: (an idea pops in her head) Hey octopus, why don't you set out your webs in certain specific areas to detect other ninja in the area.

**Kidoumaru**: (under his breathe) _why must this girl insult me constantly?_ (Aloud) I already have that done. They're laid in areas where even if we were to walk across them we won't get caught by them.

**Tayuya**: wow for once you're not playing around!

Kidoumaru just mumbles under his breath. Sakon takes a look outside a window to see the sky.

**Sakon:** pretty soon it will be completely dark in here…

**Jiroubou**: Why is that?

**Sakon**: The clouds are moving in; soon they will completely cover the moon, eliminating any light we are relaying on.

**Jiroubou:** Well that's just…

Kidoumaru quiets Jiroubou right in the middle of his sentence. He points towards a dark hallway.

**Kidoumaru**: (in a whisper) shhh, I detect movement already…

All four of them look in the same direction and get into defensive stances. They see a slight reflection of light and it appears to be three figures.

**Zaku**: (coming out of the shadows) Ease up will ya'? It's only us.

Dosu and Kin also walk out of the dark shadows and reveal themselves in the moonlight.

**Tayuya:** (rolls her eyes) Oh great it's you three dip shit losers…

Kin frowns at the smart remark Tayuya says.

**Sakon:** Yeah why are ya'll here?

**Dosu:** The same reason you four are. We noticed Orochimaru-sama and Kabuto acting rather odd around each other and everyone else. We almost got killed earlier.

**Tayuya:** Dammit I wish you guys did.

**Zaku:** (jumps at her) WHAT WAS THAT!?

**Tayuya:** (smug smile) Hmph, you heard me stupid. You're not worth it for me to repeat myself.

**Zaku:** Why you…! (Dosu grabs Zaku from behind)

**Dosu**: Stop it you moron. You know we can't take them on.

**Sakon**: (annoyed) Look we don't need any help from some lame Genins like you. We got this under control.

**Dosu**: Yeah but with us you can at least get through the dark and we can signal to you our and everyone else's locations using our devices.

**Sakon:** Well…

**Ukon:** (Interrupts) Brother he has a point. A little help won't be bad.

**Sakon**: But… (Whines) They're soooo laaaaame…!

**Ukon:** (punches Sakon through his chest) Do we have to go through this again?

**Sakon:** (pouting) Fine…you guys can help us….but just a little… (Like a child with arms folded) _hmph this was my plan…not yours. _

**Dosu**: Great then we shall go off separately!

Dosu turns to Zaku and Kin and the nod heads.

**Kin:** I'll give you a signal of anyone nearby. Kabuto will be two rings of my bell; Orochimaru-sama will be three, other ninja four rings. As for us meeting each other, it will be one.

**Tayuya:** What if we are too spread out to hear it?

**Dosu**: I will be close by Kin to amplify it.

Zaku gives Dosu an annoyed look and Dosu returns with the same response.

**Kin:** (sighs) Not again…

**Tayuya**: Wouldn't it be too loud?

**Dosu:** No I can make my device to carry the sound farther at the same frequency and not make it louder.

**Sakon**: (still pouting and mumbling to himself) …my plan was better… (Ukon's foot kicks him in the chin) OW!!

**Ukon:** sounds good to me.

The three disappear in a poof.

**Kidoumaru:** Wow, they had this stuff already planned out. Not bad for Genins, don't you think Sakon?

**Sakon**: (glares at Kidoumaru) let's just go!

Jiroubou chuckles and in a flash all four of them disappear into the dark. In the dark hallway next to where the four were standing are two glaring eyes and a smile.

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Bite Me

I don't own Naruto, yada yada yada, if I did this would actually happen.

Chapter 4

Back where Orochimaru is he opens his bedroom door and walks out smoothly. His eyes seemed to glow in the dark. He stands there for a while not moving and inch.

**Orochimaru:** Heh, The darkness doesn't faze me; snakes don't need to see in the dark if their other senses are more acute. You think you are so smart, kid. I'm the one running this place and there is no way you can take me on. Your plan is to get everyone against me.

He puts on a smile that also seems to glow in the dark.

**Orochimaru**: To put everyone against me, the one who knows forbidden Justus, your true colors are showing little brat! Heh (he lets out a loud laugh)

Elsewhere, Sakon flinches and holds his forehead where his curse mark is.

**Sakon:** Gya, it's burning…that's not right…

Over to where Kin and Dosu are.

**Kin:** I think I see him…right by Jiroubou…

**Dosu**: Who?

**Kin:** Kabuto… I should give the signal… (Flinches) Dosu? Why is your hand…on…my…should….

Kin falls deep asleep and falls into his arms.

**Dosu**: Sorry Kin, Dosu isn't currently here, he too is off to sleep…

Dosu removes the bandages from around his face to reveal himself to be Kabuto.

**Kabuto:** Thanks for the bell and the device Dosu and Kin; this should be useful to me to get rid of the others who are in my way.

He grabs Kin's body and hops away. The one following Jiroubou that appeared to be Kabuto falls to the ground.

**Jiroubou**: What tha? Kabuto? (Examines the body) Is he…? (The body poofs into a random sound ninja Orochimaru has slain with his Kusanagi earlier) a substitution…? That ain't good…

Jiroubou darts off into the dark.

**Zaku:** (In a corner eating something he found in the kitchen) damn, I'm getting impatient. This spying crap is starting to bug me. (Throws whatever he was eating against the wall).

Now I don't think Orochimaru-sama would appreciate you throwing food around in his lair…

Zaku quickly turns around and does his slicing sound wave jutsu. But there was no one there. He gets in a defensive stance and looks around in the complete darkness.

**Zaku:** Damn, I can't see a thing!

Then something suddenly hits both of his arms. It felt like something slicing him.

**Zaku:** Aaagh! What the hell? I can't move my arms!

He catches a glimpse of blue glowing hands whip pass him. He literally spins around to find it.

**Zaku**: Kabuto…!

Kabuto whips behind him with his hands glowing with blue chakra.

**Kabuto**: Correct.

He strikes Zaku in the leg with his scalpel attack and sends Zaku falling to the ground.

**Zaku:** You mother… (He falls to sleep)

**Kabuto:** ah, ah, ah, can't have any of that swearing around me.

He picks Zaku up and throws him over his shoulder.

**Kabuto:** Well that takes care of the noisy three. I'm gonna have to do a whole different tactic with the other fo…

Kabuto freezes from a noise he hears in the dark hallway.

**Kidoumaru:** (whispering) Yeah I felt a lot of movement in here where Zaku is supposed to be. Unless he decided to start break dancing all of a sudden, it has to be a scuffle.

Kabuto jumps to the ceiling with Zaku in his arms and watches as Kidoumaru and Jiroubou investigates the kitchen.

**Kidoumaru**: Where the hell is he? He was supposed to be in here.

**Jiroubou:** Yeah and I hadn't heard any signal from Kin and Dosu in the past hour. Do you think?

**Kidoumaru**: Of course, let's find the others fast!

The two leave.

**Kabuto:** That damned spider and his webs. Almost got careless there. Time for a whole new strategy.

Kabuto teleports out of the kitchen. Two glowing eyes appear out from behind a corner; they narrow in the darkness.

Hmph…

In the distance there is a random cry for help and blood curdling screaming.

**Tayuya**: I can't take this damn screaming anymore! Shit where are those three doofuses. I know they had to see something around here by now. I knew this plan wasn't any good.

Then she hears one ring of the bell.

**Tayuya**: Ah, the signal. It was about damn time!

She makes her way back to the original place they met up at using her memory of direction. By the window in the moonlight, the other three stand confused and frustrated. They all look to be looking for someone or something. Tayuya scratches her head and frowns at them.

**Tayuya**: What's with you guys?

**Sakon:** Well we heard the bell but where's Kin, Dosu and Zaku? They are supposed to be right here.

**Kidoumaru:** Yeah, we went to the location where Zaku was and he wasn't there. I also felt a whole lot of movement in the same location.

**Jiroubou:** I also found a random ninja disguised as Kabuto behind me as I was walking.

**Sakon:** God Dammit he's toying with us! That damned bastard. He knows what we are doing! He must've disguised him self as one of us while we were discussing our plan!

**Tayuya:** Are you saying…

**Sakon:** (smirks) heh, there's a possibility that he may be disguised as one of us at this very moment.

They all look at each other suspiciously.

**Sakon:** One of us rang that bell…but who?

Without thinking Tayuya pulls out her flute and looks at Jiroubou.

**Jiroubou:** (waves his arms at her) Now hold on! Just because you don't like me doesn't mean I'm the culprit!

**Tayuya**: I don't know, you got extra smart all of a sudden fatso!

**Sakon:** Tayuya! We can't just go attacking all willy nilly like that; we need to think this through.

**Tayuya: **(folds her arms) humph, well I don't like to think! _Willy nilly?_

**Kidoumaru:** (smirks) tells us something we don't know. (She growls at him)

**Sakon:** The other three didn't really have bloodline traits which made disguising as them easy. We do, so one of us isn't able to do any of their blood line moves. Each of us needs to perform one of their bloodline traits. The one who doesn't is in deed KABUTO!

Sakon stands straight against the window letting the light of the moon spill over his head. He looks at Kidoumaru with an evil grin across his face. Kidoumaru responds with a very worried look on his face trying to dodge Sakon's glare. He looks behind him as if Sakon was looking at someone else behind him.

**Kidoumaru:** (like a little kid) WhaaAAAt??

**Sakon:** Don't 'what' me, you're first, ass.

**Kidoumaru:** (sighs) fine (mumbles)

Kidoumaru sticks out his middle set of arms and cuffs them. He takes a deep breathe and snorts. He spits out a whole lot of webbing into his hands and molds it into a ball.

**Kidoumaru:** There.

**Tayuya:** HOW DO WE KNOW IT'S NOT JUST PHLEGM?!

Kidoumaru throws the ball of web in Tayuya's face and starts laughing hysterically. Sakon slaps him in the back of the head. Tayuya, glowing red with anger and embarrassment, leaps at him but is grabbed by Jiroubou again.

**Sakon:** Cut it out Tayuya! You're next!

Tayuya glares at Sakon mumbling curses. She pulls out her flute and plays it. The song she does summons the chakra stealing demon and it heads towards Kidoumaru. He freaks out and tries to swat it away and Tayuya laughs at him.

**Sakon:** (rolls his eyes) Jiroubou?

**Jiroubou:** Well I'll have to do it to someone…

**Kidoumaru:** Do it on Tayuya!

**Tayuya:** THAT DEMON DOES HAVE MORE BUDDIES. DO YOU WANT ME TO TRY THEM OUT ON YOU TOO?

**Sakon:** (irritated and getting impatient) fine, try it on me, but don't take too much.

Jiroubou walks up to Sakon and feeds a little on his chakra.

**Sakon:** Alright, my turn. (He looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ukon, wake up.

Ukon doesn't budge.

**Sakon:** Ukon? Come on man I need you to wake up so I can prove that I'm not Kabuto!

Still no response. Sakon starts to sweat and looks at the others rather uneasy. The others look at each other then look at Sakon suspiciously and frowning.

**Sakon:** (chuckles) Now I know what you may be thinking…Ukon's just a deep sleeper! (Thinks to him self) _damn I think he's been put to sleep! _

**Tayuya**: YEAH RIGHT, KABUTO! I knew it, of course it would be you, you were the one making all the plans rounding us up like sheep and planning to do a sneak attack on us with out us looking! (She starts to put her flute up to her lips) Ukon's as limp as an old man's dick!

Kidoumaru and Jiroubou look at each other in shock.

**Kidoumaru**: …oookaaaay….

**Sakon:** (jumping at her) He must've been put to sleep! I'm telling the truth!

**Tayuya:** LIAR!!

Tayuya plays her flute and a demon with a bat swings at Sakon. He dodges it and throws a Kunai at Tayuya's flute knocking it far out her hand.

**Tayuya:** DAMN YOU! (She goes to get it)

**Sakon:** You stupid BITCH! (He starts to go her direction and is stopped by an invisible force) What THA!? (He looks up to see webs around his body leading to Kidoumaru's mouth) You ass! You don't trust me either!?

**Kidoumaru:** She's right, as much as I really don't want to admit it; it all makes so much sense.

**Sakon:** (eyes widen with anger) you stupid six arm freak!

All of a sudden a rocky dome covers over him, muffling his yelling.

**Jiroubou:** His chakra tasted sweet, I just gotta have more!

In less than a minute a giant door bursts out of the dome and through the ceiling.

**Kidoumaru**: (webs fall limp in his mouth) what…? Rashoman!?

Sakon crawls out in curse seal level two form panting and with of pure hate in his eyes.

**Kidoumaru:** (fear in his eyes) Oh crap he wasn't lying….

**Sakon:** (breathing hard) You're damn right you stupid idiot! Now you're all gonna pay!

**Kidoumaru:** Aw come on it was just an accide….

**Jiroubou:** (holds his hand up innocently) I have a question. Why didn't we all just go into our cursed seal form in the first place?

**Sakon:** (stops to think)…uh…I…well…

**Ukon:** (wakes up and interrupts him) Cause Sakon is stupid…

**Sakon**: ….THAT'S IT!

**Tayuya:** (runs back in) Alright let see you try that again… uh oh…

Sakon readies to attack the three and in response they too go level two. Sakon manages to knock Tayuya's flute even further away again.

**Tayuya:** DAMN YOU, YOU FAIRY FAG!!(Chases after it like a dog to a stick)

They all jump on each other and go into a fist fight dust cloud. High above them the moonlight reflects off of a long silver ponytail.

**Kabuto**: Ha, ha, ha that was too easy. Knowing that those idiots never got along made this all too simple.

I hope anyone enjoys this, I really love making Kabuto a smartass and Ukon an asshole (and hooray for random smart Jiroubou!). I really hope to get reviews to see how this is doing...If not...eh, I don't know. PLEASE PLEASE let me know how this story is going!! This is my first fic here.

Oh, I made up a bloodline for Tayuya cause I have no clue what it would be.


	5. Chapter 5

Bite Me

Chapter 5

I don't own Naruto

This is the final chapter of this crazy fic, I really hope it's any good, please read and review, thank you.

Kabuto teleports to an area away from the fighting four and investigates the place.

**Kabuto:** Now that they are out of my hair, I'm sure I can get that cursed seal. (Looks at his ninja watch [yes he has a watch now) Perfect timing Kabuto, It's 11:00! My plan is working well.

Kabuto removes his glasses and replaces them with another one. He taps the top of it and looks around.

**Kabuto:** Ah, chakra seeking glasses, my greatest invention!

With that said, he tip toes to the corner of the wall and looks around the corner. He looks to see any hint of chakra and sees nothing. He walks through the dark hallway. Again, a pair of glowing green eyes turns the corner as well.

Orochimaru wipes the blood off his hands.

**Orochimaru:** (confused) Why do I have so many ninja in my lair? This is like swatting roaches. The more I crush the more that turn up. I warned em not to get in my way and they do it anyway…

**Ninja:** (oblivious and stupid) Hello there, Orochimaru-sama, nice night we're having, eh?

The ninja just stands there looking around with no care in the world. Orochimaru stares at the loopy ninja just hovering around him not doing anything or saying anything else and is amazed at the sheer stupidity of the individual. He grows frustrated and instead of slaying the poor thing he turns to walk away. The ninja follows him smiling away. Orochimaru senses this and stops causing the ninja to bump into him. Orochimaru turns around and stares at him.

**Orochimaru:** (putting on a fake smile) I want to ask you a simple little itsy bitsy question.

**Ninja:** Yes, sir what is it?

**Orochimaru:** (his smile goes into a frown) WHY ARE YOU HOVERING AROUND ME!!??

**Ninja:** (Smiles a very cute smile) because I's loooves you so much Orochimaru-chan! Wee!

Orochimaru cringes with hearing that and slays the ninja with out hesitation.

**Orochimaru:** No wonder these guys are sacrificed, this village is full of numbskulls! UGH!! Come on Kabuto, show your self NOW! Before I decide to blow this place up! You want me come and get me!

Kabuto turns another corner and widen his eyes. He chuckles.

**Kabuto:** Heh, he's been through here alright.

Down the hallway, bodies of dead ninja cover the floor.

**Kabuto:** It's a shame, I really didn't mean for these poor guys to get slain like this. (Shrugs his shoulders) ah, well, they would have been great experiments. Such a waste.

He walks over the bodies and pauses over one.

**Kabuto:** Why were they all in his place anyway?

He continues walking over them.

Orochimaru comes to a stop and stands in the pure darkness.

**Orochimaru:** (smiles) Ah, Kabuto, you found me at last.

**Kabuto:** (smiles innocently) Wow your senses are acute in the darkness.

**Orochimaru:** (turns around) I see you finally made use of that device there.

**Kabuto:** Eh, I was bored.

**Orochimaru:** (frowns) Alright, boy, what is it that you really wanted? Cut the friendly man attitude out and be real with me!

**Kabuto:** I want nothing more than a cursed seal, why does this bother you so much? All you have to do is bite me anywhere you wish and the rest is up to me.

**Orochimaru:** (snarls) I'm well aware of my own abilities, Kabuto. But I know in my mind you don't really want this for you know what consequences it serves!

**Kabuto:** (rubs his head) I know, I know, I just think I deserve it.

**Orochimaru:** If I knew you deserved it I would have given it to you by now, besides you'll just heal it.

**Kabuto:** (begging) Oh but I won't!

**Orochimaru:** (shifts his brows) ….Have you been in the sake? Bumped your head lately? …Bought anything from that Shino kid? You sound convincing…you really do want this?

**Kabuto:** (smiling like a little girl) YES! YES I DO!!

**Orochimaru:** (no expression)….You've lost your mind! There is no way in hell…

**Kabuto:** (frustrated) Dammit you! (Orochimaru shifts his brow again) Why are you so mean to me!? (Whines) I helped heal your arms, with your experiments, battling Tsunade, and more! Why won't you just give me this one damned thing!? That's all I asked! Why are you so cruel!?

**Orochimaru:** Because, Kabuto, everyone needs a villain in their series…

**Kabuto:** …You got a point there…wait a minute! That's breaking the forth wall you can't do that!

**Orochimaru:** Forbidden jutsu I just learned.

**Kabuto:** …Uh, anyway, back to this situation. (Cries on the floor) JUST GIVE ME ONE THING!! I want to feel special, stronger! Please, oh please!

As Kabuto continues whining about it Orochimaru's stoic face begins to turn psychotic. He covers his ears and starts to shake.

**Orochimaru:** (holding his head) Shut up, shut up…SHUT UP!!!

With out hesitation he quickly starts doing the hand signs for the cursed seal. Kabuto looks up to see him doing this. The smile on his face grows large and he stands up.

**Kabuto:** _Tora! The last hand sign in the jutsu!_

As soon as he said that his watch beeps

**Kabuto:** _AH, 12:00! Finally, right on time!_

Kabuto quickly dodges Orochimaru's fangs until he randomly snags a random dead ninja. His neck goes back to normal and he spits the taste of the ninja out his mouth. He glares at Kabuto.

**Orochimaru:** You wanted this so badly, so why did you MOVE!?

**Kabuto:** Because, do you know what time it is?

**Orochimaru:** (furious) NO WHY!?

**Kabuto:** It's 12:00 therefore it's the next day…

**Orochimaru:** (annoyed) I'M NOT STUPID, KABUTO!!! Tell me why you dodged!? NOW!!

**Kabuto:** Haven't you been aware of the date? (Orochimaru hisses at him) APRIL FOOLS!!!!! (Bursts out laughing) wasn't this clever!!?? Why the hell would I risk my life with a cursed seal!?

Kabuto continues to laugh and mock Orochimaru, falling on the floor. Orochimaru is certainly not amused. He stands there with his eyes closed.

**Kabuto:** Aw lighten up; you said you wanted me to amuse you so I thought this would do the trick to lighten up your dark spirit. You gotta laugh!

Silence fills the room and Kabuto stops laughing due to the uncomfortable feeling he is getting from the awkward silence.

**Orochimaru:** (calmly) Thanks Kabuto, this really did amuse me.

**Kabuto:** (proudly) See there, this is why I'm your best right hand man.

**Orochimaru:** (calmly)Thanks, Thanks for wasting my time, spoiling my food, and having my lights turned off. (Angered) Thanks for making me waste my chakra on you. And for that I shall give my special spy something I rarely give out.

**Kabuto:** What's that?

**Orochimaru:** (Smiles innocently) oh….just a CURSED SEAL!!

**Kabuto:** (uneasy smile) oh, ho, ho, Orochimaru-sama you are so funny, But I'm not easily tricked on April's fools day.

**Orochimaru:** (still smiling) Oh, no trick here. I'm serious, you deserve it.

**Kabuto:** Now wait a minute I was just trying to make you happy…

**Orochimaru:** (starts to doing hand signs) Oh I am I am, see this smile? (puts on a very grotesque smile)

Kabuto sees him doing the signs and tries to make a run for it. He is stopped dead in his tracks by a wall of bones bursting out of the ground. Frightened he turns around and sees Kimimaro, glaring with his green eyes, walk from behind Orochimaru.

**Orochimaru:** Oh and Kimimaro wants to thank you for wasting his time too… disturbing his rest and all…having to follow you this whole time…

**Kabuto:** Come on Orochimaru-sama, it's just a little prank, besides, like you said, I'll just heal it.

**Orochimaru:** Oh, not this one, this one is made specifically for medical ninja like you.

Kabuto quickly forms chakra on his hands and tries to chop his way through the bones with his hand scalpels.

**Orochimaru:** Aw, why are you being so mean? I just want to give you something back for all the things you have done for me (he does the final sign)

Orochimaru's neck lengthens and darts towards Kabuto and bites him in the back of the neck. Kabuto yells from the impact and falls flat on his face in pain. He attempts to heal it and fails. Orochimaru walks over by him and looks at the poor pathetic fool.

**Orochimaru:** Tsk, tsk, tsk, you wanted it now you got it.

Kimimaro drags Kabuto down to the dungeon where all his experimentations take place. He puts him in a small dark room. Kabuto takes one last look at Orochimaru.

**Orochimaru:** (smiles while holding the thick door) so many people in this world can be so ungrateful, as for you…GAMEOVER!!!! (He slams the door)

**Kabuto:** NOOOOOOO!!!!!

The End

Yeah, I know the ending was a bit random, but the whole story was anyways. I hope it was good, thanks for anyone who read this.


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